i was born a porn star she said
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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