i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
