I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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