we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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