Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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