i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
