I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
