There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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