You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
So squirting runs in the family.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
