Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize