I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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