Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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