i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
