He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i just google imaged poop.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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