We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
