Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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