You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
