so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
