3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
