I am in a vortex of obligation.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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