On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
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