i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
