So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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