Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
