I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
