Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
