I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
