When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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