After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
