Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
