i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
