today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize