I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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