just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
