Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
