yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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