wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
