yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
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i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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