so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
