Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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