Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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