Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
