You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
