We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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