Me too!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
