is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
