She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
