Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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