That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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