I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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