Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
