i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
