No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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