my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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