exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
