May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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