I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So many bounce houses so little time
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
