the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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