The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
