I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
