Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
