I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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