Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
