His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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