OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
