he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
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My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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