Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
