Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
