remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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