You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
